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By winstonkurt All characters based on the following events are fictional. any resemblence to any person/character living or dead was purely accidental.
Scene : Late evening turning into night.
Father - Jimmy
Mother - Maggie
Son - Aubrey
Daughter - Annie
Father is watching T.V. Son is listening to the walkman. Daughter is reading Mills & Boons and Mother is in the Kitchen.
Maggie : Jimmy come for prayers.
Jimmy : Wait chile, 1 more wicket to go.
Maggie : If you don't switch that bloody T.V. off, your wicket will go now. Go on switch it off.
Jimmy : ok chile, stop screaming.
Maggie : Aubrey , Aubrey, AUBREYYYY.... (HIT on the head). Listening to devil music and rap songs. I'll give you 1 rap now. Annie come on for prayers.
Annie : Im come to the best part.
Maggie : In Mills & Boons every part is the best part. Come on now.
Everyone's seated for prayers.
Maggie : In the name of the Father ... Annie , go and off the the stove chile.
Annie : (goes) Mama, its still boiling.
Maggie : Never mind chile. OFF IT OFF.
Annie : (comes back) ok mama. I OFFT IT OFF.
Maggie : Hail Mary full of grace .......
(RRINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG) (doorbell)
Maggie : Annie go see who it is. If its Aunty Moreen, tell her I'm in Mysore.
Annie : (goes to the door and comes back) Mama, it's Uncle Tommy. He's come to collect the Monthly Anglo-Indian Association Subscription.
Maggie : Tell him I'm in the toilet chile.
(WHISPERS ....................)
Our Anglo-Indian Scholarship is still under review for the past 1 year now. They'll come correctly to collect money but wont do anything for us. So far all we got is 1 of Frank Anthony's Ball.
Annie : (goes and comes back). Mama I told him, he's gone.
Jimmy : Cmon say the prayers chile. Im very sleepy.
Aubrey : Yes mama, and I have to go out.
Maggie : While you were watching T.V. u were not sleepy. Now your sleepy. If I pour water on your face now, you'll be wide awake. And you, Aubrey, don't you become a loafer like the other Anglo-Indian loafers and the Ready Made Indians. Its night time, stay at home.
Annie : Ok mama carry on now.
Maggie : Hail Mary full of ...........
(RRINNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG)
Maggie : Annie go see who that is chile. If its Aunty Moreen, tell her I'm in Mysore. These buggers come only during the night.
Aubrey : During the day you're not here.
Maggie : Don't you act smart with me Aubrey.
Annie : Mama, its the Milkman. He wants the card for renewal and the money for this month.
Maggie : Tell him I'm in the toilet chile.
(WHISPERS ......................)
These buggers mix the milk with water and they think I don't know. Once I made Tea for him and he spat it out.
Annie : (comes back) Mama, I told him. He went away.
Jimmy : Shall I hit the bed?
Maggie : How would like it if I hit you now?
Aubrey : Mama hurry up slowly.
Maggie : Aubrey don't you get cheeky with me son.
Aubrey : Ok then. Hurry up and take your time.
Maggie : (SLLAAPPPPP) That's for acting too smart with me.
Annie : ok mama continue.
Maggie : Hail Mary full of grace ............
(RRINNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG) (doorbell)
Jimmy : Who is it this time?
Maggie : Aubrey, you go and see who it is. If it's Aunty Moreen ......
Aubrey : (interrupts) Mama, but you're already in Mysore.
Maggie : Don't let me warm your ears again for you. Once is not enough? Go see who it is. All these buggers come only in the night.
Aubrey : (come back) Mama, its the Group 4 , Night Patrol Security Guards. He's asking for the montly payment.
Maggie : Tell him I'm in the toilet.
(WHISPERS ..................)
These buggers come correctly at 12 midnight and blow the whistle so loud. The bloody rogues go and hide and after these buggers turn the corner, the rogues come out. Wonderful Security Guards we have.
Aubrey : (goes and comes back). Mama, he said, yesterday when he came you said the same story that you were in the toilet.
Maggie : So what? Tell him I got Loose Motion.
Aubrey : Mama's he's gone. He said to tell you that he will come tomorrow at the same time. He wanted to know if he should bring the doctor together with him. I started laughing.
Maggie : Ok shut up and sit down now.
(By this time Jimmy is fast asleep). Maggie gets up and gives him a stiff knock on his head.
Jimmy : Aaah , oohh , who's out???? Is he out??????
Maggie : No one's out. Only you were out.
Annie : Cmon mama, continue.
Maggie : Again what to continue chile. By now we would have finished the Rosary twice. All of you say your own prayers and go to bed.
Aubrey : What about dinner mama?
Maggie : Aubrey, take that 2 rupees which is on the Fridge and go buy 1 loaf of bread and come. All of you eat bread and jam.
I'm going for my bath now.
THE END.
Father - Jimmy Kuttacks
Mother - Maggie Kuttacks
Son - Aubrey Kuttacks
Daughter - Annie Kuttacks
Screenplay - Winston Kurt Fernandez
Written, Produced & Directed by - Winston Kurt Fernandez.
All rights reserved. Copying of any sort is Illegal & Prohibited. Anyone caught copying and distributing will be taken to court and tried under the Actors Guild and The Distribution Protection Act.
A WARNER BROTHERS & 20th CENTURY FOX COLLABORATION.
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Written by michellejo on 2008-04-28 18:07:28
hi the story is great cheers | Written by cconway on 2007-06-30 20:21:37
Good stuff Win ur an anglo to the T mate.
Connie. | good fun!!!
Written by juanita on 2007-04-28 10:27:31
tooo good....Hilarious!!!!  | Written by Les Rozario on 2006-09-23 18:45:35
Chile! This is blooming typical style of the Anglo way of talking.
As the Aussies would say "Good on Ya"". | Hahahaha!
Written by lyndcosta on 2006-09-11 13:03:25
Winston - that was awesome!! hahaha I loved the "SLLAAAPPP" part - typical! Keep 'em coming!  | Good on you!
Written by gajabeedi on 2006-09-11 12:18:39
I like your typical anglo style of writing. Very funny indeed as i read thru it. Waiting for the next one to come up. Great going Winston! | One more coming up......................
Written by winstonkurt on 2006-09-10 04:53:09
I want to thank everyone for their kinds words.
I have one more coming up soon.
Watch this page!!! | This was great!
Written by candyangelo on 2006-09-09 12:04:34
Congratulations! This was just great! It had me in splits!! and the expressions are simply priceless - so typically Anglo Indian.
Keep up the good humour.
C. | MB and BC
Written by monique on 2006-09-09 03:01:48
Well i have read a couple of novels from MB and BC and i know for sure that once we get our hands on them it is very difficult to get it off them and food,prayer's,friends and even TV are secondary....: ) | MillsNBoon
Written by domestic engineer on 2006-09-08 16:43:47
Ok Quick trip down memory lane...a group of us girls in St. Dominic's Convent used to have MB books or Barbara Cartland hidden inside our Library books during Library class time and never got caught!! LOL The teacher would sit in front of the class clueless!  Naughty! Naughty! | Fantastic
Written by Chokri on 2006-09-08 16:11:38
It was really fantastic. Keep up the good work. Will be waiting for more. | I think you meant
Written by conradical on 2006-09-08 10:37:44
A WARNER BROTHERS & 20th CENTURY FlYING FOX COLLABORATION. | Wow!
Written by domestic engineer on 2006-09-08 10:08:11
Wow! Winston, you da man!!
Geez and you thought you had enemies!
 You have talent and it's being recognised. Awesome! Need a green thunbs up to add to these faces! | You are Brilliant
Written by chutneymary on 2006-09-08 08:22:01
I must say you are absolutely fantastic. Gosh you took me back to the days when I was little, prayer time was disturbed all the time. I remember praying and the 'dhobi' would not stop ringing the door bell. So I rushed to end my prayer with, God bless mum and dad and blah blah but God please don't bless that buggar, 'the dhobi'. When my Mum heard that I had to do extra penance for using the word 'buggar' in prayer.
Thanks I am sure you managed to take many people down 'memory lane'. I shall search every crevice and corner to find Anglo Indians, just so they can read this. I laughed so hard, I cried.
Christine | funny....funny....funny !!!
Written by monique on 2006-09-08 04:18:54
Good one Winston,you should write more of these and put'em on the site, they are just too good.
Keep 'em coming. | good on you sonna boy...
Written by pops on 2006-09-07 01:28:03
what you acteen latkind men !!! | Super!
Written by The Seraphim on 2006-09-06 05:49:22
Mutch... youre the man ! | Excellent - Typical AI's
Written by arlene on 2006-09-06 05:24:29
Well done, trust me, you can well imagine the scene, as a MOM even I tend to go sometimes on the same line especially during weekdays - when I am tired after a day's work and being in the kitchen.... well to narrate an incident, my i-law's being from Villupuram and their house was just next to a cinema hall - those day's it seems it was all thatched roofing n all that and as usual the kids have to return home at 8 pm to say the Rosary - at this time - an MGR movie would be going on in the theatre - just at that time it was turn of my b-i-l to say his decade - instead of that - he joined in (in continuation) with the Tamil song that could be heard from the theatre ....... and there!!!!! (much to the delight of the others) Dad turned and gave him one snarl amidst the peels of laughter and then the Rosary had to come to a close...... amazing ...... | Nice one...
Written by ashwynfernandes on 2006-09-06 04:29:35
That's awesome cuz... Keep em comin'... | Good one!!!!
Written by gavin on 2006-09-06 03:34:34
Nice one Winston. Its too good to be true, however knowing our AI's at that time you bet it would have happened in someone's house or someone experienced it. I'm sure it definitely brings a smile to all our AI's now. Keep them coming. | Hillarious!!!
Written by marcellehenderson on 2006-09-05 19:54:26
Good one chile, I still cant put it off my laughter!!! | Written by domestic engineer on 2006-09-05 12:29:29
Hmmm...good idea Blanche! | Funny!
Written by domestic engineer on 2006-09-05 12:27:03
Man, you're a nut case! LOL You actually wrote this?  Instead of "Knock on his head" how about "Kottu on his head"!!! | Too funny :grin
Written by Browneyedgirl on 2006-09-05 12:24:14
Now that you've got your screen play all ready maybe you should make it into a short film  |
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